This article was written by Lorena Wüthrich based on the conversation(s) between Jay Humphries and Gary Anello.

Tune in to the HoCoSo CONVERSATION for all four episodes of the limited series “Showing up as you are”

 

Listening to this episode, I found myself deeply reflecting on the power of truth—how avoiding it creates chaos, how fear shapes our choices, and how authenticity, though challenging, is essential for a fulfilling life.

One of the first things that struck me was the idea that when we avoid telling the truth—whether by outright lying or simply withholding clarity—we create unnecessary confusion and turmoil. I had never thought about it in this way before, but it made perfect sense. How often do I soften my words, hold back, or even tell myself small lies to make situations easier? And yet, these half-truths don’t actually make anything easier—they only delay the inevitable reckoning.

I realized that a lot of this avoidance comes from fear. Fear of rejection, fear of consequences, fear of taking risks. What if I tell the truth and people walk away? What if I lose something important? What if I’m wrong? These are real fears, and they aren’t easy to confront. But as the conversation unfolded, I started asking myself a different question: Is the cost of honesty really greater than the cost of living a life that isn’t true to who I am?

 

Part 1 -The Fear of Being Seen

A quote from the episode hit me hard:

“It’s hard for me to be who I am to that person because I’m scared about what the outcome is going to be if I show them who I really am.”

I sat with that for a moment. How many times have I felt that exact fear? The fear that if I let someone see me—really see me—I might lose them? It’s a difficult thing to admit, but I know I’ve held back parts of myself in certain relationships out of fear of judgment or rejection. And yet, as Jay and Gary discussed, holding back comes with its own kind of suffering. It’s exhausting to perform, to keep up an image, to constantly worry about whether you’re acceptable to others.

I’ve started to wonder: What if rejection isn’t actually the worst outcome? What if the real loss is staying in relationships, jobs, or spaces where I feel the need to hide who I am? That’s not belonging—it’s just survival. And I don’t want to just survive.

Listen to the episode: Showing up as you are – Part 1

 

Part 2 – Authenticity Requires Strength

One of the most powerful insights from this episode was that authenticity takes courage. To say, “This is me” and to stand by it, no matter what happens next. It’s easy to think of vulnerability as weakness, but in reality, it’s an incredible show of strength.

At one point, Jay talked about how much effort we put into protecting ourselves from pain, rejection, and vulnerability. We build up our egos like armor, convincing ourselves that if we just act the right way, we can avoid discomfort. But what if pain and rejection aren’t actually bad things? They don’t feel good—there’s no denying that—but are they really a loss if they lead us toward a more truthful, fulfilling life?

I couldn’t help but think about situations where I’ve hesitated to be honest because I was afraid of the consequences. Moments where I felt like I had too much to lose. But the more I listened, the more I realized that what I was really afraid of wasn’t losing things—it was losing people’s approval. And if approval is conditional on being someone I’m not, is it really worth having?

Listen to the episode: Showing up as you are – Part 2

 

Part 3 – Creating Safe Spaces in Work and Leadership

This episode also got me thinking about how these same struggles show up in the workplace.

Gary shared how, during a job interview, he told the company upfront that he was gay—not because he needed their approval, but because he needed to know if the environment was safe for him. That moment really stuck with me. He wasn’t just looking for a job—he was making sure he wouldn’t have to hide a part of himself to fit in.

It made me reflect on how often companies say they value diversity, but don’t actually create cultures where people feel safe being themselves. There’s a big difference between performative inclusivity and real inclusivity. If a company isn’t actually accepting, pretending to be inclusive only makes things worse—it creates false safety, and false safety turns into real harm.

I loved the leadership takeaway from this conversation:

“Tell me more—I don’t know all the answers.”

That’s the kind of leadership I want to see more of. Leaders who create space for honesty, who acknowledge they don’t have everything figured out, who are willing to listen and learn.

Another idea that stood out to me was adding personal values to a CV. I had never thought about this before, but it makes so much sense. Why not be upfront about what matters to me from the start? If a company doesn’t align with my values, I’d rather know sooner than later.

Listen to the episode: Showing up as you are – Part 3

 

Part 4 – The Freedom of Letting Go

One of the most powerful moments in the episode was when Jay said:

“It’s okay if people don’t want to be with me. I have to be who I am, and I have to feel safe with who I’m with! I’d rather be with one person who truly values me for me than with a thousand people who don’t.”

That hit me hard. Because deep down, I know it’s true. But getting to that mindset takes time. It takes work. It takes unlearning years of trying to fit in, trying to be liked, trying to avoid discomfort.

Hearing Jay say it so confidently made me realize something: The sooner I accept this truth, the less energy I’ll waste on trying to be someone I’m not. I don’t want to spend years waiting for the “right time” to be myself. The right time is now.

Listen to the episode: Showing up as you are – Part 4

 

Final Thoughts

This episode left me with a lot to think about. It reminded me that authenticity isn’t just about what we say, but who we choose to be in every aspect of our lives. It also reinforced that being true to myself isn’t about expecting people to accept me—it’s about making peace with the fact that some won’t, and being okay with that.

The more I show up as my authentic self, the more I’ll attract the right people, the right opportunities, and the right environments. And ultimately, I’d rather be surrounded by a few people who truly see me than by a crowd that only accepts a version of me that isn’t real.

This conversation was a powerful reminder that honesty—especially with ourselves—is the foundation for a life that feels right. And if that means letting go of things, places, or people that can’t handle the truth? Then so be it.

 

About HoCoSo

HoCoSo are advisors with a difference.

We create tailor-made and innovative solutions for clients’ hospitality-led projects by bringing together the optimum team of sector specialists.

Jay Humphries, Chairperson and Owner of HoCoSo, and their direct team specialize in the extended-stay, co-living, and hotel-alternatives hospitality market; luxury, lifestyle and boutique hotels; and resort developments in Europe, the Middle East and Africa (EMEA). Our strengths lie in the following core services:

During the covid19 crisis, HoCoSo launched HoCoSo CONNECT, an initiative aimed at bringing the industry together to brainstorm and collaborate; HoCoSo CONVERSATION, a podcast channel encouraging the discussion with thought leaders from around the globe, for the hospitality industry; and, in collaboration with Atlas Coaching and Cervus Leadership Consulting, we also launched the Hospitality Resilience Series , a combination of online events, insights and discussions aimed at helping build your personal resilience and inner immunity.